So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
