We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
