Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
