i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
