I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
