they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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