I want to make a zoo with you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want her autograph on my taint
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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