Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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