The best revenge is premature balding
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
