So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
