Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
