Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
50% drunk capacity currently
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
