after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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