That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
