i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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