Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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