Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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