just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
