She is in my trunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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