I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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