i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
