Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
