I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
