you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
