so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
