The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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