Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
