A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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