I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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