the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The feeling are messing with the penis
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
