He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
someone owes me an orgasm
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
