part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
