i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
