do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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