People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
