why didn't you poke me back
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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