I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
