a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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