I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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