Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
