He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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