Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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