i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
