She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
