Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
