I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
