This girl is more easily done than said...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
