I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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