there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
