i think my tv is drunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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