mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
