Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
