he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
